I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
