I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
