I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
