I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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