it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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