You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
