I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
foreskin is a definite game changer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
