I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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