So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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