His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
