Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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