I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
