so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
