That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
