the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
