Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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