Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The uberlube is also flammable
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
