very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
