just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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