i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
