There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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