That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
