i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
