i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
