I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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