Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
