I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
