She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
