I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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