wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
