i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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