Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
