4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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