just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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