K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize