dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize