Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
