making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
