sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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