OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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