She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
