So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize