I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
3pm strippers are depressing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
