he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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