I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
