im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
