If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
