you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
