am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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