Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize