The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
