Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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