I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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