He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
