Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
