First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize