I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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