I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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