Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found a bag of teeth...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
