sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
