I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Boobs are out for the taking
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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