Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
