Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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